Unless You’re The Lead Dog…

I'd think that some people would
be grateful for a view like this!

“Unless you’re the lead-dog, the view never changes”.  You’ve probably heard that one somewhere in your travels, and have maybe seen a cute little picture of a few sled-dog butts with that slogan as a caption on Facebook or some other social media site. Judging by the picture that leads in this article, one would probably concede this quote is as true as the sky is blue.

Let’s throw out a couple of tandem-terms for those of you who are “tandem-curious” but not baptized in the lifestyle.  First off, there is the word “Captain”.  This refers to the one who is blessed in life to sit “up front”.  This person is in charge of steering, braking and making damned sure that he doesn’t do anything stupid to jeopardize the health and well being of the one sitting behind him, known as the “Stoker”.

The stoker probably gets her name from the old Dutch, which loosely means “push” or “poke”.  This was also the moniker assigned to one who attended the fire on the old steam locomotives.  Some folks refer to their stoker as the “Rear Admiral”, perhaps an admission as to who really wields the “power”.  Stokers do an incredible amount of inspiring work; mine inspires me when I’m in need of a little pick-me-up by bending low and biting me in the butt. 

A quick disclaimer:  I’ve assigned gender to the terms “Captain” and “Stoker”.  “He” is up front while “she” is in back.  This isn’t another form of male-dominance and subjugation.  It’s simply the “norm” in tandem cycling, an endeavor which usuallyinvolves a married couple.  Not always, but usually. 

We tried swapping seats once many years ago.  The ride lasted about two blocks when she said to he, “No %$#@*#% way!”  There was a weight difference of nearly 100 pounds between the two of us, and a height difference of a foot.  The back end of the bike was not stable, and shewasn’t comfortable up front.  This probably wouldn’t be an issue if she was riding with someone similar (or less) in weight and mass.

One of the big questions that many stokers hear is, “Don’t you get tired of staring at his butt all day?”  It does seem a bit unfair, doesn’t it?  The Captain views a wonderful panorama of nature at its finest while the Stoker gets an eyeful of butt (or back) all day long.  There are two lessons to be learned here:  life ain’t fair, and apparently you didn’t pay attention during anatomy class.

It is true that the stoker will never be able to see the little bit of road directly in front of the bike.  Keep in mind that the spine is a marvel in engineering; it bends, flexes and articulates.  In other words… a Stoker can turn her head and stare off into the distance whenever she chooses.  This is a luxury that is never afforded to the Captain.

A Captain can only ocassionaly glance away from the road surface directly in front of him.  He is constantly watching for chuck-holes, cracks, broken glass, loose sand or gravel, rocks or other debris along the side of the road… even road kill… all of which are things you should never run over on a tandem (or a single bike, for that matter). 

The Captain is also monitoring traffic both in front of and (if he’s using a mirror) in back of the tandem.  There isn’t any time for sightseeing, except for what you can absorb through peripheral vision as you pilot your double-bike down the highway.  The Stoker can look for details in the distance to either side of the bike and breathe in all the visual beauty there is to be had during the ride. 

The Captain is busy monitoring a small width of asphalt as they pedal down the road; the Stoker is saying things like, “there’s a small herd of deer up on that hill” or “there’s a bald eagle perched in that tree”.  I’m wondering “which hill?”  “What tree?”  If I look around for any amount of time at all, I’ll be derelict in my first obligation of keeping us on course, upright and safe. 

Fortunately for me, our tandem is equipped with this technological marvel known to the common-folk as “brakes”.  If something is really worth taking a good look at, I can always stop the bike and take a look at the Stoker’s discovery without fear of running off the edge of a cliff! 

So… the Stoker's short answer to “do you ever get tired of staring at his butt all day?” 

“No.  But if I do… I can always turn my head!”