‘Tis The Season…

…For My Addiction

Why, imagine that!  Another blog post that has little or nothing to do with tandem bicycling!  You’d think that there might be some kind of pattern forming, wouldn’t you?  And… you’d be right.

I haven’t given bicycling much thought since we returned from Florida almost a month ago.  The initial excuse was cold weather, the standard for this time of year.  Because my wife and I both work outside delivering mail, we tend to get our fill of the crisp autumn and winter weather.  Office dwellers might find it a nice change to bundle up and take their bike out for a frosty ride (just for the sake of getting outside), but after we’ve done our eight (or more) hours of mail-mushing… going back outside has no appeal to us!

However, on Veteran’s Day I had a little bit o’ surgery, so I no longer have to rely on the weather for an alibi when asked whether we’re still riding.  I had a PVP(photo-vaporization of the prostate) that normally has very little downtime.  This procedure was supposed to be “in on Wednesday, back to work the following Monday”.  Let’s just say that things didn’t go according to plan.

On the Monday in question, I was back at the clinic having my second catheter removed.  Some clotting blocked the urethra after the first catheter came out, and I learned a whole new definition of being up to my eyeballs in… well… you know.  After the second time around, I was able to urinate for a while… and then things started slowing down.  Fear crept in as this seemed remarkably similar to the previous episode, and I had NO desire to repeat that ever again.

It was then that my wife suggested I take one of the pain pills that were prescribed after the surgery.  “It might help relax your bladder, stopping the spasms and hurting so much.”  She was right, and any hint of trouble faded over the next day.  The drug helped me relax, sleep, and ultimately… pee.  Not like a racehorse, but maybe like a Shetland pony.  Which is MUCH better than the “not at all” scenario.

With good drugs come the risk of addictive behaviors, and while I thought I could dodge this bullet, I wasn’t strong enough.  Because I’m a lightweight when it comes to the “fun-drugs”, a little goes a long way.  I slipped into a stupor, and when I became aware of my surroundings a couple of days later I was horrified to learn that I had been binge-watching Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel!

Every year this train-wreck of Yuletide programming starts up around Halloween and runs non-stop right through Christmas.  Every year I resolve to be strong and not tune into the non-stop schmaltz-fest because I know that once I start watching, I can’t stop.  The “off” button could be my salvation, but I’m powerless to push it.  “Just say no?”  Not when there’s 24 hours of “Ho, Ho, Ho!”

I haven’t shaved in a week… my eyes look like roadmaps.  I can’t stop watching, even though I’ve seen all these movies before.  What’s even more diabolical is that there’s also the Hallmark Movies and Mysteries channel, so if you’ve seen the show on the Hallmark channel 20 times, there’s a chance that they’re running a movie on their sister station that you’ve maybe only seen 10 times!  Oh, sweet mercy under the mistletoe!

Sadly, I’ve got to get ahold of myself and get “de-programmed” by this coming Friday.  I’m supposed to go back to work… finally… and I need to go back clean and sober.  That means no more Hallmark Channel Christmas movie bingeing.  It also means not setting the DVR to record every jingle-belling movie that is playing during the day.

Perhaps with the help of friends, family and co-workers I’ll be able to keep my sights set on what is important, and leave the glow of the wide-screen behind.  All I’ve got to do is remain strong until Christmas… and then my potential for backsliding will be behind me.  Oh, I know… some of you are worried about me crumbling when the next big programming push comes, but trust me – I am nowhere nearly as susceptible to the non-stop Valentine’s Day dreck as I am to the Hallmark Holiday Hooey!