I’m not here to argue whether fast foods are good for you or not – that’s not the point, or the focus, of this article. Let’s face it, Porky… you could be munching on a carrot stick instead of that triple-decker grease burger with cheese. We all make choices, good or bad, and a trip through your local drive-thru every now and then won’t kill you. Try living on that stuff exclusively and you’ve got a whole different set of problems to consider!
What I’m annoyed with is the “finger on the pulse of society” that so many of the big chains seem to display with a united front. One company comes up with an idea, and soon everyone else is mimicking it. One of the latest crazes – or is it, being that it’s been going on for a couple of years now – is the jalapeño everything burger.
No matter what the base of the sandwich is, we’re going to infuse it with so much jalapeño that you’re going to sweat your eyeballs out while trying to swallow this monster. TV ads of pretty girls with beads of perspiration on their foreheads, guys trying to prove their masculinity as they chomp down an oversized mouthful of sizzling sandwich. Really?
Sorry, guys… but you’ve lost me in the advertising jungle. Yeah, I like pretty girls with a little bit of sweat on their foreheads – but not from eating, if you know what I mean. And don’t forget the old adage turned slightly sideways: what goes in must come out.
I’ve always been a fan of food that I can actually taste. Call me old fashioned, but the idea of actually savoring the flavor of something – whether prepared in a five star restaurant, or the local Burger King – has always taken priority over smothering it with as many chili peppers or as much hot sauce as is possible. Although I suppose, at least in theory, that you can serve an inferior product to the masses if you cleverly disguise it in a manner that totally fools their taste buds!
Still, why is it that when one burger joint advertises their new “Jalapeño Kill Your Taste Bud Burger”, all of them suddenly stumble all over each other on their mad dash to launch their own version of the same damned thing? Are they simply responding to the demands of the marketplace? I find this somewhat doubtful – I never tried the original, nor will I ever try any of the knock-offs. I’m one of those people that doesn’t like overpowering spicy foods, but instead prefers flavor to flames.
I’m surprised that instead of everybody coming out with their own version of the same darned thing that the individual restaurants didn’t attempt to come up with something unique only to their own brand, instead of a “We’ve Got Jalapeño Too Burger”. Although I guess I should tip my hat to Jack In The Box as they’ve been pushing their new line of “Buttery Jacks”. If the grease in the meat isn’t enough to clog your arteries, perhaps an extra splash of butter will do the trick!
In closing I wish to salute McDonald’s for, after years of stubbornly refusing to extend their breakfast menu past 10:30 AM, finally acquiescing to their customer’s requests to serve a limited breakfast menu all day long. Ah, yes… they finally saw the light!
Or did they? No… it was just in an attempt to bolster quarter after quarter of slumping sales that they suddenly realized that “the customer is always right”. I’ve been whining for the last 25 years or so about wanting an Egg McMuffin after 10:30 in the morning. I like them as a pre-bike ride snack, and find them much less bloating than a burger.
But when they spin this sudden all-day-long breakfast menu as nothing more than trying to please their customers, after decades of not listening to requests from that same breakfast loving clientele, it kind of makes me feel like I’ve just eaten a Whopping Jalapeño Burger. Backwards… if you know what I mean.
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