Animal Bites

Postal workers are exposed to many elements and risks; some of those risks come directly from members of the animal kingdom.  That’s right… letter carriers do receive bites from the house-pets of the world, dogs and cats.  Huh?  Did you say cats?  What kind of idiot gets bitten by a cat?  Well… only the “special” ones… like me.

I’ve been bitten by a dog a couple of times, just minor bites barely breaking the skin.  Little itty-bitty kitty cats have also bitten me… twice.  I probably should have been nailed three times, but the meanest cat I’ve ever encountered was also the dumbest.

Kujo-Kitty wanted blood, and would attempt to sneak up behind me when I was delivering mail and go for the back of my leg.  Mind you this was in the summertime and I was wearing shorts, so there was no buffer between teeth, claws and flesh.  The only saving grace was that just before the cat would actually reach me it would start to growl and hiss, blowing it’s cover and alerting me to turn around and go into my own hissing and growling routine.  If that didn’t scare the little demon away a magazine pitched in its general direction would.

One time the owner came out and was a little upset with me for being mean to her kitty.  “He’s not mean; he’s just got a weird sense of humor” she said.

“Yeah.  Bleeding flesh wounds are hilarious” I replied, as I stomped out of the yard.

About this time another carrier was trying out one of the ultra-high frequency sonic devices used to deter attacking dogs, rather than use of the traditional pepper spray.  I borrowed this device a few times just to see if it would work on cats, and what do you know?  It did!  Kujo-Kitty hated it, which delighted me to no end.

When the cat from hell tried sneaking up on me that day, I gave him a blast from the device that sent him running for the front porch.  The porch on this older home was painted, so traction was a precious commodity that the cat didn’t have.  All fours were slipping as he was trying to run, and he was slipping and sliding into the porch furniture as he was trying to escape the horrible sound (that we humans can’t hear)!  The cat looked like a furry pinball the way he kept bouncing off one thing and into another.  A couple more “treatments” from the cat-blaster and Kujo-Kitty would see me coming down the block and go hide until I was gone.

Of the two cat bites that I did receive, one was from a cat that was normally friendly but occasionally would turn around and grab you with his paws and take a chomp.  I was trying to leave a parcel by the front door close to his napping spot, and he apparently wasn’t pleased.  This cat became nastier as he aged, and attacked a neighbor – causing an infection that required medical intervention and some hefty bills to pay.  After the incidents involving the neighbor and myself, the woman who lived there countered by placing a sign by the mailbox she was required to move out to the curb: “Beware of Attack Cat”.  That cat disappeared one day; the owner was distraught.  The neighbor and I didn’t know what happened to the cat… but we giggled with glee that it was gone!

The saddest cat bite I received was an accident… really.  The little cat who got me was very loving and friendly, but it had one “bad habit” – if you didn’t notice she was there, she’d come up and nibble gently on your calf to get your attention.  It was kind of a “Hey, I’m down here!  You need to pet me!”

One day I didn’t see the kitty and left the mail in the mailbox mounted next to the door and started down the sidewalk, heading to the next house.  The little cat came from wherever she had been hiding, apparently worried that she wouldn’t get her usual dose of attention that day.  She caught up with me as I was briskly walking toward the next doorstep and tried to nibble on my leg.  This was a tactical error on her part.

I was about ready to move my leg forward for the next stride as she set her jaw into the spot just above my ankle to let me know I was ignoring her.  As I moved my leg forward one of her fangs got caught in my sock and, much like setting a fishhook, I drove her teeth into my leg as I took the step.  I yelped with surprise upon the initial feel of teeth penetrating skin.  This in turn scared the cat, which jerked a couple of times trying to free her fang from my sock so she could run and hide.

As I previously said, this bite was an accident and there was no way I could be mad at the cat.  It was a little hard at first convincing her of that, although she finally came back and we made up.

So you see, any idiot can receive a dog bite.  It takes a special idiot to get bitten by a cat.  Twice.